At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
