If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
