Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
