i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize