Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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