I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I will die if light touches me.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
