You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
pray to the hookup gods
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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