I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
