Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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