well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
