I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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