I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
