it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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