I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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