Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I smell stomach acid.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Come share oat with me in your robe
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
All the doctor said was why
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
