One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
