So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
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You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
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I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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