Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
