happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
