Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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