How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
