I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
