just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
