Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
