Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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