he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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