my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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