I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
