Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
