your thong is hanging out like whoa
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
