If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
