Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize