Apparently you make a good broom.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
