lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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