I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
