He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
