You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
