Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I need moral support for this bender
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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