Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
