You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
