ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
