maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
