my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
