The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My vagina just recognized that song.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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