I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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