shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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