I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
