When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
no you cant smoke seaweed
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
