I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
