So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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