so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
