His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
