Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's blow job season.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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