Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
