if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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