I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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