last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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