i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just had sex bonerless
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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