You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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