dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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