I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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