He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
