I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
